A Copywriter’s Blog

Oh my God. Oh my god they’re reading. They’re still reading! They’re to the third ‘reading’ in the paragraph! Guys, guys come on. This is it. Someone’s actually reading us. Holy shit. Holy -hey! Hey, “tenth sentance”! God help you if you don’t fit properly at the end of that line. I swear on my kerning if there’s a big blank space at the end of that line because you don’t fit I’ll write you out of this piece myself. Of course it matters! Everything matters! Oh my god they’re halfway through. This is incredible. Is this getting too long? Quick, everyone be concise! Squish yourself if you have to. Don’t look like you’re doing it! God. The point. Where’s the point? Oh my god did we lose the point? Ok, no it’s here. Holy fuck do NOT scare me like that again. We are almost at the end we cannot afford to get lost now. Bring it together people!

Oh my god they read to the end. Oh…oh god. Oh, that was better than sex. Someone get me a cigarette. Seriously.

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I think most people agree that is good shit. Possibly even the shit. And after reading this story, I’ve discovered they embody corporate soulfulness, a trait I did not even know existed prior to reading about it.

Yesterday, at 10:30pm, my wife ordered me a pair of crocs from Zappos. (Don’t judge me, they’re for walking the dog) Today, I came home from work to discover a box on my front step. There were crocs inside.

They were ordered at 10:30 last night. I got them in less than 24 hours.

This is not the first time I have bent space-time to my will. I am not above suggesting that my latent mutant powers might be revealing themselves at last.

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