That’s my sister-in-law and her still-relatively-new-daughter Alexa. At the time this picture was taken, I thought it was hysterical. An impromptu bit of humor in the midst of a family barbecue. But since then, I’ve changed my mind.
Far from a moment of innocent exploration, I think this image reflects the utter depravity of what passes for child-rearing in America these days. A permanent, horrifying record of the downward spiral that we have the temerity to call “parenting”. I defy you to look at that image and not feel the stirrings of righteous indignation! This is an affront that cannot be borne!
Seriously, the kid’s drinking some booze her grandparents picked up in CostCo. That’s disgraceful. We gotta get her a craft beer immediately.
So first, I was going to use this as my Friday Feature, because I really like how it’s shot and I’m in love with self-aware, fourth-wall breaking narration.
But then I saw this video, and after I got a new pair of pants, I felt like I was morally required to share it with you. This man cleans a cobra pit- in flip flops- with less concern than I show petting my dog. Love the part where he appears to scold one of them for being a bitch, too.
Then, finally, I saw this, which is an awesome guy doing an awesome thing. It’s one of those videos that restores my faith in the people of New York. You know, the ones who aren’t tourists.
According to a sound best described as the Rattling Advance of Doom, we’re going to have to replace the transmission in The Wife’s car. My feelings towards motor vehicles have been well documented in the past. Right now? I’m feeling an awful lot like this:
Nothing would make me happier than if Facebook suddenly became the new MySpace. But with over 750 million users, even that best case scenario won’t happen until my children’s children have dropped social networks altogether in favor of Direct-Emotional-Psychic-Feedback-9000 implants.
So here’s what I think will happen before then.
My bet is that Facebook will remain the social network of high-school and college students the world over. Because, if you think about it, Facebook is tailor-made for self-absorbed narcissists.
In Facebook, everything you do is public. Every update is basically you standing on top of a building with a bullhorn, shouting out whatever crosses your mind to everyone you’ve ever met. Even the act of you posting on someone else’s wall is just you saying “I’m talking to this person, but I’m doing it really loudly so you can all hear what I’m saying and comment on it if you want”.
Which is why I think that Google+ will become the new standard for post-college people. With Circles each post is like you walking into a room, seeing who’s there, and going “Here’s something I think you guys might like.” Which is the sort of functionality that could be useful to someone who has to keep their “work friends” separate from their “sorry-I-puked-on-your-cat-last-weekend friends”.
You must, MUST watch until at least the :27 mark before you decide whether or not this video is worth it. Personally, I consider this dance to be the equivalent of Amish grinding: “Come brother, let us touch heel to ankle like city folk do!”
I keep meaning to write this post. It’s about why I haven’t had much time to post lately.
But of course, since I haven’t had much time to post lately, it’s taking- well look, you know where this is going, yes?
It’s a combination of things, I think. I wouldn’t exactly say I’ve gone and gotten a life, but the proverbial dance card has been surprisingly full lately. And although it’s difficult to tell, if looked at under an electron microscope there is actual evidence that The Wife’s schedule has gotten better. Slowly. Theoretically. Almost imperceptibly.
Both these things, and a few others which are going on, are pretty awesome, and enjoyable, and time-consuming. And therefore my schedule is a bit chaotic. And so the posts are not posting.
So I’m going to go back to the original plan. Which is to post something, anything, even if it sucks. Especially if it sucks. By Monday. Those with diminutive attention spans will probably enjoy this, since it will presumably mean shorter posts for a while. Historically, every time I say that, I wind up writing a 800 word diatribe within the next month. And if that’s what happens, cool.
But if you show up one day and all that’s here is a haiku, rest assured it’s because I’m out somewhere doing something that’s even more enjoyable than hearing myself talk on the internet.
Which is pretty awesome. Cause I love to hear myself talk on the internet.