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A Copywriter’s Blog
What else does she know? Ben Levy 26, February

I wish I could tell you how this happened. It was so unexpected, I don’t really remember the sequence of events leading up to it. I think it started when The Wife told me our child’s teachers claimed she said “Elmo” today.

I probably said something like “bullshit,” and The Wife agreed with my assessment. Molly’s making more sounds everyday, but even if she stumbles on a word, there’s been no indication she’s using it intentionally.

I’m…not really sure what happened next. I was sitting on the floor with Molly, holding the one Elmo book we actually own, and I guess for some reason I asked her “Where’s Elmo?”

And she slapped her hand down right on top of him.

Ok, very funny. She just happened to hit Elmo. I closed the book, then opened it to the same page, but this time I moved it so that her hand wouldn’t naturally fall on him. “Where’s Elmo, Molly?”

Without hesitation, she slapped her hand down on Elmo again.

I flipped a page, and I suspect there was a slightly bright quality to my voice. “Where’s Elmo?”

That time she pointed, laying one finger on the page. Almost in the fold between the two pages, where a comparatively tiny image of Elmo was waving.

I think there was some horse, dramatic whispering with The Wife, and some confusion over who was getting the camera. Molly found Elmo a few more times, but of course once we started recording she got totally distracted by a TV remote and stopped having anything to do with the book at all. But The Wife witnessed it at least four times in a row, maybe five. So I know I’m not making this up.

My child is ten months old today. And apparently she understands English. Or at least “Elmo.”

I have no idea what is happening.

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Google Glass Ben Levy 20, February

At first glance, Google Glass looks absolutely pointless. It’s like if a race of sentient eyeballs became jealous of all the super-dope bluetooth headsets the ears get to wear, and came up with this in retaliation. But then I realized what the true implications of this technology are. And I have to say, I’m pretty excited:

Screen Shot 2013-02-20 at 9.41.31 PM

It Begins
The second Google Glass hits the market, all the iHipsters will purchase a pair. This is because people with the disposable income to spend on a pair of $1500 glasses that don’t block the sun or improve vision are desperate to find ways to inform the rest of us just how rich they are.

It Continues
Half of them will of course get robbed for their glasses. Particularly enterprising thieves will then make use of Google Maps to find the quickest escape route.

The Dark Ages
This rash of glasses-thievery will spark a recurrence of the trend of “people with glasses getting knocked down, beat up, and their lunch money stolen”. This is how life used to be for the geeks, kids. It wasn’t pretty.

The Empire Strikes Back
In response, the geeks will throw all their combined brainpower into perfecting defensive nanobot technology.

Fwoosh! Zap!
Within two years’ time, we will all be running around wearing Iron Man style armor under our clothes. Fights over bespectacled individuals’ lunch monies may still happen, but now they’ll occur 40 feet in the air, and with lasers.

As you can see, Google’s latest device will usher in an amazing new utopia for all of us. It will undoubtedly forever change the way we interact with one another. And, if there is a just and loving God, not a single one of you mouth-breathers will live-stream it from a pair of stupid glasses.

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This clarifies nothing Ben Levy 19, February

My mother often laments how she doesn’t understand what I do for a living. This post is not going to help her.

This morning, my partner and I stopped in a variety of fabric stores in NYC’s fashion district.

“Hello, we’re looking for faux rabbit fur.”

“Oh, I haven’t got that. Have you been to Elegant Fabrics yet? They’re the best in the city for fur.”

“Ah, thank you.”

2 blocks later:

“Hello, we’re looking for white rabbit fur.”

“Long or short?”

“Long.”

“Upstairs.”

The next fifteen minutes were spent making muppet jokes and comparing the bolts of faux pelts that crammed every square foot. Eventually we settled on a yard and a half of snow white yeti hair. We were back in the office around 11am, where we confirmed that, yes, the custom crunk chalice we had commissioned for a client would look “boss” amidst the fuzz.

After a quick lunch, we spent an hour discussing what sort of knit sweater a turtle should wear. We settled on turtle neck. Because, really, how can you not? I feel it necessary to point out that this was a legitimately billable discussion pertaining to an actual client project. The terrapin’s gotta wear something in the TV spot.

Afterwards we debated what picture should go in the bedroom that would appear in the ad. We were initially thinking a Lisa Frank style dolphin illustration, but quickly realized it would take away from the copious amounts of hand-knit furnishings that are going to be featured in the scene. Kittens were considered, but felt a bit overdone. Also, it was noted that if dolphins were good, narwhals were better. We tentatively settled on a silhouette of a narwhal against a solid background. A subtle touch of the unicorn of the sea.

I guess it’s worth mentioning that I also rewrote a few lines for the spot, and about a page and a half of copy for the company website. But those are mere details, like my attempt to tag a half-full champagne bottle with my nerf gun from halfway across the creative department.

And that’s what I do for a living. Some days. Today, at least.

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