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I used to obliterate (vocab word!) the curve in my high school English classes. Lesson after lesson, I destroyed any hope of my classmates receiving a few extra points on their tests. With one exception.

(Cue crack of thunder)


English is a bastard, idiot, drunken language, and I want it on the record that I have always felt this way about it, and still do today. Below is an approximation of my well-practiced high school English rant:

“Most languages have laws. Rules and guidelines that are generally followed to make the whole thing consistent and coherent. English, on the other hand, was crafted exclusively out of exceptions. I believe the creators went around making up silly one-case scenarios just to fuck with people. Eventually, they made so many that the exceptions started to overlap. Any two exceptions that matched were just considered a law of the English language. That’s why we have about three pages of English grammar laws, and 80 pages of exceptions.”

Why do I bring this up now? Oh, no reason, really. It’s just that this lady is from Mirriam-Webster, AND SHE PRETTY MUCH SAYS I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG.

Suck it, Mrs. Wallen.

Oh, and if you think that’s all in the past thanks to spellcheck, think again:

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