BrokenJPG

A Copywriter’s Blog
Oh technology, you double-edged bitch

I deeply apologize for the lack of content last Friday. I was in Skeneateles for a wedding and- well, see below.

There’s this new game I just invented where you assign points to technology. The idea is to see whether all this fancy wi-fi’ing, blue-toothing, micro-satellite-RFID-emitting gear of ours is legitimately helpful or just a ridiculously expensive set of paperweights. Let’s take my last Thursday as an example:

My Garmin GPS- a device less than a year old, and designed for the sole and express purpose of navigating America’s roadways- informs me that the city of Skeneateles does not exist. This is troublesome, since both the wedding and motel are in Skeneateles. -1 Point

My Droid Incredible not only locates Skeneateles and the motel therein, it also provides flawless directions, suggests some nice places to eat nearby, and tells the GPS just how far it’s rating has dropped on Amazon. +1 Point

Google locates one “Emerson Park”, where the rehearsal is taking place. One click brings up directions on Droid. +2 Points

Evidently there are two Emerson Parks. Dammit, Google. -1 Point

Use Droid as an actual phone, call bride-to-be just to confirm I am nowhere near the right park. Confirmed. It is agreed I should just head towards Country Club for rehearsal dinner. +1 Point

Look up Country Club address on Droid. +1 Point

In order to enter it into GPS. -1 Point

Using the Droid Incredible as a GPS for hours on end makes the battery sad. It shuts off with a tone that is clearly the binary equivalent of “You’re boned.”
-1 Point

GPS gets me to the Country Club. Or would have, if the road wasn’t closed.
+1 Point

The rest of this tale, about how I stupidly decided to just walk to the Country Club once my GPS led me straight to a closed road and I thought it “didn’t look very far” will have to wait till later. It’s a tale of such elegant stupidity that it really requires it’s own post. Regardless, I think you begin to see why I missed last Friday’s update.

Also, Thursday ends up with a point value of Positive 2. This suggests that while the tech wasn’t totally useless, I spent an extraordinary amount of time using it to fix the problems it caused in the first place. It’s also why, at the end of Thursday, I started designing a poster with the tentative title of “Oh Technology, you World-Changing, Life-Saving, Child-Raping, Anti-Christ.”

I’ll probably make it a t-shirt when I’m done.

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One Response to “Oh technology, you double-edged bitch”


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