BrokenJPG

A Copywriter’s Blog
Fair is Fair

In my day, Saturday morning television was about Martial Terapins and Extinct Reptiles from Outer Space. Now it’s full of shows like this.

On this show gentlemen- clothed in camouflage and covered in scent-masking soap- talk a lot of shit. They lovingly discuss their custom-balanced rifles, with the magnifying scope and laser site. The ones loaded with armor-piercing bullets.

They hunt turkeys.

I have it on good authority that turkeys are the under-educated, car-jacking, straight-up thugs of the avian kingdom. But they are also fat birds. You cannot, cannot, sit there with military-grade armaments and act like the world’s greatest badass. You should not need the accumulated technological advances of an entire civilization to take down an overweight, barely flightworthy bird. And even if you do, you should not brag about it.

Around this time last year, I was working on an account for a shoe based on barefoot running. In the process, I read a lot of running theories.

One of them was along the following lines: Humans weren’t capable of actually running down their food. But we had endurance. So what would happen is, we would startle a deer. It would take off. We would jog after it. The deer would eventually tire out, and pause to catch its breathe. Before it was completely recovered, we would catch up, causing it to bolt again. This cycle would repeat, but the deer was able to run less and less each time. Eventually, its heart would burst. Back in the day, this was referred to as “lunch time”.

During that project I was on a shoot with a pair of runners. One was a former olympic miler. I casually mentioned this theory to him.

“Oh yeah,” he said “that works.”

“Really?” I replied with surprise “I wasn’t aware they’d actually tested it.”

“Oh, I don’t know if they did it officially or anything. But my friends and I did it once.”

“What?”

“We ran down a deer. It only took two and a half hours, actually. Had a heart attack.”

“…”

Now that. That you can brag about.

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