BrokenJPG

A Copywriter’s Blog
This clarifies nothing

My mother often laments how she doesn’t understand what I do for a living. This post is not going to help her.

This morning, my partner and I stopped in a variety of fabric stores in NYC’s fashion district.

“Hello, we’re looking for faux rabbit fur.”

“Oh, I haven’t got that. Have you been to Elegant Fabrics yet? They’re the best in the city for fur.”

“Ah, thank you.”

2 blocks later:

“Hello, we’re looking for white rabbit fur.”

“Long or short?”

“Long.”

“Upstairs.”

The next fifteen minutes were spent making muppet jokes and comparing the bolts of faux pelts that crammed every square foot. Eventually we settled on a yard and a half of snow white yeti hair. We were back in the office around 11am, where we confirmed that, yes, the custom crunk chalice we had commissioned for a client would look “boss” amidst the fuzz.

After a quick lunch, we spent an hour discussing what sort of knit sweater a turtle should wear. We settled on turtle neck. Because, really, how can you not? I feel it necessary to point out that this was a legitimately billable discussion pertaining to an actual client project. The terrapin’s gotta wear something in the TV spot.

Afterwards we debated what picture should go in the bedroom that would appear in the ad. We were initially thinking a Lisa Frank style dolphin illustration, but quickly realized it would take away from the copious amounts of hand-knit furnishings that are going to be featured in the scene. Kittens were considered, but felt a bit overdone. Also, it was noted that if dolphins were good, narwhals were better. We tentatively settled on a silhouette of a narwhal against a solid background. A subtle touch of the unicorn of the sea.

I guess it’s worth mentioning that I also rewrote a few lines for the spot, and about a page and a half of copy for the company website. But those are mere details, like my attempt to tag a half-full champagne bottle with my nerf gun from halfway across the creative department.

And that’s what I do for a living. Some days. Today, at least.

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