BrokenJPG

A Copywriter’s Blog
Google Glass

At first glance, Google Glass looks absolutely pointless. It’s like if a race of sentient eyeballs became jealous of all the super-dope bluetooth headsets the ears get to wear, and came up with this in retaliation. But then I realized what the true implications of this technology are. And I have to say, I’m pretty excited:

Screen Shot 2013-02-20 at 9.41.31 PM

It Begins
The second Google Glass hits the market, all the iHipsters will purchase a pair. This is because people with the disposable income to spend on a pair of $1500 glasses that don’t block the sun or improve vision are desperate to find ways to inform the rest of us just how rich they are.

It Continues
Half of them will of course get robbed for their glasses. Particularly enterprising thieves will then make use of Google Maps to find the quickest escape route.

The Dark Ages
This rash of glasses-thievery will spark a recurrence of the trend of “people with glasses getting knocked down, beat up, and their lunch money stolen”. This is how life used to be for the geeks, kids. It wasn’t pretty.

The Empire Strikes Back
In response, the geeks will throw all their combined brainpower into perfecting defensive nanobot technology.

Fwoosh! Zap!
Within two years’ time, we will all be running around wearing Iron Man style armor under our clothes. Fights over bespectacled individuals’ lunch monies may still happen, but now they’ll occur 40 feet in the air, and with lasers.

As you can see, Google’s latest device will usher in an amazing new utopia for all of us. It will undoubtedly forever change the way we interact with one another. And, if there is a just and loving God, not a single one of you mouth-breathers will live-stream it from a pair of stupid glasses.

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