BrokenJPG

A Copywriter’s Blog
The coolest hoodie I never bought


Today in urban outfitters, I found this. This is awesome. The picture doesn’t show why it’s awesome. In fact, it doesn’t show much of anything. Had the fashion photographer snapped their digital shutter on a pile of steaming dog poop, it would have intrigued you more than this photo.

But I digress.

This is a hoodie with various ninjas screen printed on the torso. In general, it is hard to go wrong with ninjas. Upon holding the garment up, I discover it is a “full zip hoodie”. For the uninitiated, this means the zipper goes from hem to forehead. In most cases, this is retarded, because why would you ever want to walk around in a cotton cocoon? But in this case, the hood had eyeholes. Ninja eyeholes. This garment was literally a ninja suit, festooned with ninjas, that granted the wearer the ability to gird themself in darkness at the pull of a zipper! Genius! That is at least three times the ninja any other garment in my wardrobe gives me. As if that were not enough, a loop was sewn inside that had a pair of nunchuks screen printed behind it. Just so there’s no misunderstanding, it came with nunchuk holders. Everything I’ve done in life up until now has been in anticipation of this moment. It was a medium-the exact general size that I myself am. I must own this article.

From here the story goes downhill. It’s not because I already own a fair number of hoodies. And if when fully zipped my face started turning blue, well I’m sure that’s an ancient camouflage technique. No, the real reason I didn’t get the hoodie is because I’m Jewish.

As a (semi)-devout Jew, there are three ways that I commonly practice my religion. One is to keep kosher, the second is to refrain from doing work on the Sabbath, and the third is to refuse to spend more than $45 on a hoodie. And I am a much sadder and less invisible man for it.

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2 Responses to “The coolest hoodie I never bought”


  1.   ISAAC Says:

    Buy it.

  2.   ISAAC Says:

    I mean buy it. Damn it.