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Timing is everything Ben Levy 20, April

I went back to Kentucky a few weeks ago, ostensibly to pitch work but really to drink more of the world’s best beer. Here’s a timeline of the events leading up to my flight back:

3:45- Share a beer with my AD, debrief about the pitch.

4:45- Calmly mention that we have time, our flight doesn’t leave till 5:50.

4:47- AD sits bolt upright as it registers that we need to be at the gate by 5:20, giving us about 40 minutes before we’re totally screwed.

4:47-4:50- AD and I run around like panicked idiots trying to pay the tab and hail a cab.

4:51- Cab procured. Driver seems entirely too relaxed for our liking. Attempt to suggest he might want to set a land-speed record.

4:51-
Cab driver says “Don’t worry, it’s only 10 minutes to the airport” as AD and I breathe sighs of relief. He continues “I just have to stop off and get gas first, it won’t take long”.

4:52- Argue with cab driver, consider getting out of cab, decide against it, watch out the window like lost puppies as he goes in to get “just $6 of gas”.

4:55-
Leave gas station. Not too late. Still hope.

4:56- Cabbie does it again: “You boys’ll get there on time…of course, it is rush hour traffic.”

4:56- “Rush hour traffic isn’t ever really bad here. It’s not like it stops. Oh, but I did see an accident on this side of the road earlier…”

5:00-
Confide to AD “we’re fucked.”

5:07- Finally reach airport. AD scrambles out of cab to get tickets printed.I attempt to pay with a credit card. Cabbie says “oh, is this card reader down again…?”

5:07:30-
I have exact cab fare (no tip) in my wallet.

5:08- Cabbie says cash is fine, just doesn’t want us to miss the flight. I charge headlong into the airport torn between feeling bad for not having a tip and thinking it serves the guy right for stopping for gas.

5:11- Reach security.

5:15- Pass security. (Oh right, it’s Louisville airport.)

5:15- I ask AD why we always end our trips the same way, running like idiots through the airport with a mild buzz. Voice my concerns about it becoming a pattern.

5:18- Reach gate. Only a few people sitting down. Lights are off. Door is closed. I might have half-whispered “No” in a horrified sort of way, but nobody heard me do it, so it’s cool.

5:18:30- AD and I run up to the gate lady, who looks at us sadly and says “You just missed it”

5:18:31- Horrified gasping.

5:18:32-
I look at the woman, but she’s totally serious.

5:18:40- Woman continues “the next one doesn’t come along till tomorrow”.

5:18:45- AD and I exchange mute expressions of abject defeat.

5:19- Woman smiles and says “Just kidding, it’s not even here yet.” Entire gate begins clapping and laughing.

5:19-
AD explodes with “DAMNIT WOMAN, DON’T DO THAT TO ME!”

5:20- More laughter, from all parties involved.

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