A Copywriter’s Blog
An Inconvenient Poop Ben Levy 10, October

Long-time readers know that I do my best to help the environment. That’s the reason the wife and I bought those canvas supermarket bags- less plastic in the landfill.

Then we got a dog.

It poops.

Now we can’t buy groceries fast enough to keep a positive bags-to-bowels ratio. In fact, we had to go out and buy plastic bags, just to keep up.

If anyone has an environmentally friendly solution to this, let me know. Because apparently the hole in the ozone layer, those category 4 hurricanes, and the impending extinction of the polar bear are all due to an adorable little schnauzer-dachshund mix.

You didn’t warn me about that, Al Gore.

Yesterday I attempted to turn on the bathroom light. There was a fizzy pop, then the room became only a little less dark. Two of the three bulbs over the mirror were dead.

I have replaced nearly every light in my house with eco-friendly twisty bulbs (didn’t do it in the bathroom yet). Partially cause I like mother earth, and partially because the twistiness is a visual novelty to me. But as I stood there, in my towel, in the near-dark, I realized that eco-friendly lightbulbs are for pussies.

If you really want to save the environment, don’t replace any bulbs in your house at all. Sure twisty bulbs save energy, but you know what saves even more? No bulbs, that’s what. I took a shadowy shower that morning secure in the knowledge that not only had I won an environmental victory, but a victory for all lazy men as well. No more climbing up ladders to change lightbulbs. If your domestic partner doesn’t like it, accuse them of not doing their part to save the environment. And while they’re at it, they can get you a beer.

After all, the more you drink, the less energy the fridge has to expend cooling bottles.