BrokenJPG

A Copywriter’s Blog
Dear 2010 Ben Ben Levy 30, December

An open letter to my past. From my present. Which is his future.

What’s up 2010 me? Life’s pretty good, yeah? Working at a Madison Avenue agency, got a pretty sweet apartment, published a freaking book. You did well, man.

I don’t want to freak you out or anything, but the future’s not going to be what you think it is. In about 3 months, you’re going to be laid off. It’s ok though, I’m fairly certain it goes down in history as The Best Layoff Ever. Plus the new job is equally awesome. They have a ping pong table in the office, and free beer on Thursdays. And you get to do some really awesome work. No, it’s not a shop you’ve heard of before, but go to the interview anyway, alright? Otherwise we’ll run into some weird time-continuum thing.

Around the same time as The World’s Best Layoff, you’ll find out they’re jacking up the rent 25%. Fuck that place. Save yourself a few days of shopping around and just move three blocks down, to a one-bedroom with an amazing view, right on the water. Floor to ceiling windows overlooking the river. It’s a good move.

This is supposed to be a letter, so I guess you can’t see me. But if you could, you’d immediately know things changed a lot in 2011. I know you’re in great shape, 2010 Ben. It’s a side effect of working on the New Balance campaign. But man, you know nothing. You’re going to tear through P90X, and it’s going to be life-altering. You’re going to be in the best shape ever. Not just up until this point. For all time. Because if we ever see a workout regiment more intense than 2 hours a day, 6 days a week, for 3+ straight months, I don’t want us to do it.

Incidentally, if you can maybe focus on your middle back while you’re doing those exercises, that would be awesome. I didn’t, and it sort of caused a muscular imbalance that resulted in our back muscles literally trying to tear themselves off the spine. Don’t worry though, after 3 months of PT you’ll be pain-free. Anyway, I know I said not to alter the time-stream, but it may be worth trying it in this case.

Speaking of physical changes, I guess that birthmark thing we’ve always had was/is/was pre-cancerous? So you can go ahead and get that removed. Just a heads-up, 2010 me: that barbecue smell during surgery isn’t someone’s lunch being reheated. It’s going to be your face. But you’ll get a badass scar. I have so much more street cred than you do. Seriously, the ladies love it.

You’ll try to start a bunch of side projects, fresh off your book success. Aside from releasing your book in digital format, they, uh, they won’t be finished. I’m sorry about that. Hopefully I’ll be able to recapture some of your dedication in 2012. I don’t think it’s entirely my fault though. As you can see, 2011 was a crazy year.

Oh, yeah. You’re gonna get The Wife pregnant. Good job.

-2011 Ben

PS- Shit, I forgot to make this shirt, too.

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Not a Top 10 Post Ben Levy 30, December

I swear to zombie jeebus- we finish 364 days of the year and all of a sudden every blog in the world starts ejaculating “Top 10″ lists like some kind of countdown bukkake. Well not here. This is a New Year post that does not have the words “Top 10″ anywhere in it.

What? What do you mean I already wrote it twice? Stop lying, you liar. Why you gotta lie so much?

I get that New Years is a time for reflection. You look back, you look forward, then you shake it all about or something. I’ve never really gotten into that. Mostly because from there it’s a short jump to making resolutions. And those always sound ridiculous.

If New Years is a time when you try to stop and reset your life, go for it. I would love to see some sort of stats on the number of people who break their resolutions every year, but I recognize that for some it offers an opportunity to really tell yourself that you’re going to start some kind of change in your life now. In italics, even. And that’s awesome. I’m all for change. Just like the president.

But I think a lot of people who fail in their resolutions just give up. “Oh well, have to wait another year before I try that again”. And that’s what I hate about resolutions. It’s too easy to fail at them. And we seem to have developed this idea that once it’s done, you have to wait a while before you try again.

I used to be the world’s worst procrastinator. Now I’m just one of the Top 10*. But my point is that I’ve tried to stop waiting for the right time to do stuff. Screw that. Do whatever you’re gonna do today. Or at least seriously consider starting it.

My ‘resolution’, if you want to call it that, is the same every year: do better then the year before. It’s fairly vague, I know. The thing is, I also make that resolution every month, and at the start of a lot of my weeks as well. I don’t always achieve it, but I think I come out better for trying.

I am sure as hell not telling you to be like me. I think you’ve read enough of this blog by now to know what a terrible idea that would be. I’m just saying I think a cool resolution might be to pick a second resolution on June 1, 2010. Why wait for 2011?

Speaking of which, I am so damn excited for 2010, you guys. I just know this is the year the future brings me a flying car- I just know it.

*3 times! Damnit, those words are like the swine flu of the blogosphere.

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