A Copywriter’s Blog

I hate when someone runs a crappy internet contest and then prefaces the results with a load of crap about how “it was really hard to judge because they were all so wonderful”. This is the internet, not little league. Let the vitriol roll. Express just how shocking it was that out of 700 entries, only three demonstrated even a rudimentary grasp of english. Admit that it was not about choosing the best entry, but the one that sucked the least. Or just show the winners. Everyone’s already scrolled down to that section anyhow, it’s not like they care about anything else on the page. So without further ado:


I had the parts. But I lacked the necessary knowledge on how to use them. Until IHADNW came along. Imagine if an IKEA manual made milk squirt out your nose because it was so funny, and nobody was even judging you for using an IKEA manual to learn how to assemble, own and operate your own genitalia. It’s like that. I keep it in my bathroom, right in the eye line of the various people who use my toilet. I like to imagine them looking at the book, then down at their junk, then back at the book, then picking it up and learning a thing or two about a thing or two. And that’s usually the point where I stop imagining what other dudes are doing in my bathroom. Do yourself a favor and buy this for the men (and women) (and he-she’s) in your life.

This was one of the first reviews that went up, and I know for a fact that several people decided not to enter after reading it. Thanks for intimidating everyone with your humor, PezMan. You talented jerk.

Aron with one “A”

Ever been on the subway, tears streaming down your face as you’re looking down at your little guy in your trembling hand, screaming, “Why are you the way you are?!?!?” and then regret telling this story on a book review? Well pal, don’t worry. We’ve all been there. And for that very reason, the Oracles of the Sacred Phallus have taken mercy upon we, the unworthy custodians of peen, and bestowed upon us Ben Levy and his syllabus for the some of us, “I Have A Dick. Now What?”. It’s a must read for any man with a Dick. And any man without. Which is unfortunate as the “without” may have been avoided by having read this book. The irony of that alone is worth the price. So go forth, men with Dicks, and know thine own member better. And as for the eunuchs, well, read this book, and you’re sure to at least sport a raging mouth b*ner.

I kept repeating “Oracles of the Sacred Phallus” to myself, and then laughing hysterically. In retrospect, I realize this wasn’t really appropriate for family game night.

Congratulations to the winners, who get two copies of “I Have A Dick. Now What?”. I apologize for not announcing the results earlier. I’m gonna go ahead and blame it on that whole “knocked up The Wife” thing. I know you’re supposed to wait until the kids are actually outside the womb to use them as an excuse, but I consider this practice for fatherhood.

You can read all the reviews here.

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