BrokenJPG

A Copywriter’s Blog
Talk to the Spam, Vol 1 Ben Levy 11, October

Like it’s more legitimate (and less sucky) blog brethren, the BrokenJPG receives a great deal of comment spam. And like many of my more legitimate (and less sucky) blog-owning brethren, I spend a great deal of time deleting said comments. I do this out of love for you, dear reader. And because links about improving sexual potency demean us all.

These days, it’s pretty much reflexive for me to condemn to the digital graveyard anything containing “Nude”, “Naked”, or any characters in Russian. Interestingly, certain breeds of spam are attracted to certain posts. For example, over the past few months I’ve probably deleted over 50 “Raw Celebrity” links from the Today’s Childhood Sucks post. It’s been getting somewhat tedious.

And then last week I had an epiphany.

I had received four more comments on the aforementioned post promising Miley Cyrus Nude Pics. I raised my finger, ready to savagely jab the delete key, but then a flash of comprehension hit me. I suddenly realized- this spam had a point. How much could today’s childhood suck if kids are growing up with internet porn delivered at 3G speeds to their cellphones?

Why, this spam was clearly postulating a brilliant postmodern counterpoint to my hypothesis. Clearly the repeated attempts at blanketing the comments section of my post with these links spoke to the unshakeable optimism this spam held! A belief that children today were growing up in a childhood that not only didn’t suck, but was practically a pre-pubescent Utopia in comparison to my own.

“These kids,” the spam was saying, “they’ve got internet porn. They’ve got naked Miley Cyrus on demand.” (There’s no accounting for taste or legality, I suppose) “Who are you to decide that shitty toys in cereal boxes are grounds for declaring an entire generations’ youth experiences a wash? Particularly when you consider that some children grew up amidst the Black Death, or in an era before video games or color TV?”

And the entire point was eloquently made with a single link to Miley Cyrus Nude Pics.

And so, dear reader, I have seen the error of my ways. No longer will I indiscriminately delete spam from my comments. No- now I will carefully read through each one, explore every link, and share their brilliant insights with you. It won’t happen often, for the internet is vast and few arguments can be as brilliantly composed as the one I shared with you today. But when one presents itself, rest assured it will appear under the heading of Talk to the Spam, Vol 2.

Oh, and just so we’re clear? Today’s Childhood totally Sucks.