BrokenJPG

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I had intended to write a review of the Thundercats reboot last week. But watching the premiere was a near coitus-like experience, and as soon as it was over I fell into a contented sleep and only just woke up.

(That means I liked it.)

Warning: if anyone reading this is concerned about minor spoilers or preposterous sexual metaphors, you shouldn’t keep reading.

I said before that I was cautiously optimistic about this reboot, but I didn’t expect this. This… was like an orgasm accompanied by the trumpets of angels. An angelgasm, if you will.

Artist's conception of an Angelgasm

Artist's conception of an Angelgasm

The best reboots update a nostalgic memory with something awesome enough to please your adult palette as well. Like being able to smell your mom’s chocolate chip cookies baking during an orgy.

The trick of course, is that you obviously don’t want your mom to be the one doing the baking, cause that’ll ruin the sex. And you can’t just buy cookies from the store, because there’s nothing nostalgic about that at all.

That’s what’s making me so happy about this reboot- these are definitely my Thundercats. They look similar, sound similar, and behave similarly to the Thundercats of my youth. Lion-O is an overconfident child, Cheetara rescues him in the knick of time, and WileyKit and Kat cause trouble.

In other words, the cookies smell just like I remember them.

And to compliment the cookies, the sex I mean plot: A brilliant explanation of why Cheetara runs impossibly fast and hits people with sticks. Snarf as blessedly mute comic relief. A backstory setting up technology as a semi-mythical thing no one believes in until a group of mechs show up and knock down the walls.

Having just included robots and pokemon rejects in my orgy, I confess the metaphor breaks down slightly at this point. Consider it proof of how difficult it is to get a reboot right.

thundercats-2011-remake-anime

There were one or two things that I missed. Jagga’s sacrifice didn’t seem anywhere near as emotional as it did the first time, and I really miss the origin story of the 80s version. Not that this one is bad. I just consider that one high art.

But these are my Thundercats. And when the Sword of Omens is held on high, the smile on my face is best described as “shit-eating”, and my ecstasy reaches a peak best described as… as… as…

……zzzzzzzzzzz.

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Thundercats, Ho Ben Levy 6, June

I don’t expect everyone to be aware of this, but they should be: Thundercats is coming back.

TCATS_LION_O_Final

This is normally the point where I start screaming and ranting. I normally say something about how the people responsible should be rendered down into jelly, shaped into a penis mold, and fed to the CEO of British Petroleum. However, I’m not going to say that.

I’ll admit that initially I was all prepared to drive to my parent’s house, unearth my original Sword of Omens, and replace the plastic blade with no less than four chainsaws before using it to circumcise everyone involved in this. But then, well… from the press release:

“ThunderCats” is executive produced by Sam Register (”Teen Titans,” “Ben 10,” “Batman: The Brave and the Bold”). Michael Jelenic (”Batman: The Brave and the Bold,” “Wonder Woman”) and Ethan Spaulding (”Avatar: The Last Airbender”) are the producers.

I have never heard of Sam Register before, but this man has apparently scored an animated hat trick in my adult life. Teen Titans, Ben 10, and Batman:B&B are all cartoons I consider on par with the stuff I used to watch Saturday morning in the years before I knew what girls were good for*. Seriously, when there’s nothing on TV, those are the three shows I watch OnDemand. Along with reruns of Batman Beyond, which was possibly the greatest cartoon spin off of the greatest cartoon Batman ever.**

Also, the animation is being done by Studio4°C. You’ve seen their work on Animatrix, among other things. I approve.

If there are people with some brains behind this project, it’ll be fantastic. Thundercats was a show with depth. I’m serious. Tigra had multiple addictions. Lion-O was a grown man with the mind of a ten-year old, thrust into a leadership role. And everyone’s “father” Jaga sacrificed himself to spend decades in isolation and then die alone so the rest of them could survive. And that last one happened in the first episode.

My point is, there’s plenty to pull from, and I don’t think it’s a problem if some of it gets streamlined and re-imagined along the way. He-Manwas remade a few years ago, and they did a half-decent job of it. Thundercats should turn out at least as well.

Admittedly, that’s no guarantee. And you can bet that the second I see Lion-O doing battle with hologram cards or keeping Snarf in a tiny sphere attached to his belt, I’ll be on the phone ordering four chainsaws for overnight delivery. But there are two other reasons I’m cautiously optimistic.

The first is that this is a Cartoon Network venture, not Fox Kids (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fast Forward? Really? REALLY?). Secondly, I sent a copy of the first two paragraphs to the CN offices. I think they’ll get the point.

*by which of course, I mean cooking.
**which actually isn’t saying much, because there’s a good chance it was the only cartoon to be spun off of another Batman cartoon. But damnit, it was fucking fantastic anyway. So there.

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