BrokenJPG

A Copywriter’s Blog
I bet MacGyver had days like this Ben Levy 19, February

Some you know that I have been trying to save the world from the quasi-zombie invasion that is Resident Evil 4 since late December. A particularly….poignant moment occurred last night, and I felt it worthy of recounting. (Mild spoilers below)

It’s very late in the game, and I had just viewed a cut scene in which the main character (Leon) had turned quasi zombie and tried to eat a friend’s face off. I was moving towards a save point when I heard the heavy, raspy breathing of a Regenerator.

However, this one was a long way off, and I had plenty of time. “Strange,” I thought to myself “they’ve made this pretty easy.” I went to raise the rifle to my shoulder, and Leon stopped.

So the Regenerator keeps moving towards me. And Leon’s just standing there with his rifle at his side. “Holy shit,” I thought, already anticipating the need to change my shorts. “I bet this regenerator’s calling out to the zombie in me or something. Leon’ll probably have to fight the hold it has over him to regain control.” Any second now the command to hit “A+B” or “wave the wii-mote wildly” will free up my body. Any second now. Wow, this thing is close. Holy shit it’s right on top of me! FUCK!

And then, Leon shifted his shoulder.

Not in a “must heroically battle mind-altering zombie!” way. More like a “no one’s pressed any buttons, so I’ll just loop my ’standing’ animation” kind of way. He was waiting for commands.

This wasn’t some demonic ploy on the game developer’s part.

This wasn’t a brilliant plot device in the game

My fucking wii-mote batteries died.

Screaming obscenities to a g-d I didn’t believe in (I’m Jewish, so yelling “Jesus Christ” is just a funny joke for us) I chucked the controller to the side of the couch and dove for the 2nd player wii-mote my wife had left on the coffee table. I grabbed it, rolled twice on the ground, and ended up on my stomach, holding the wii-mote out in front of me and snapping off shots like a crazy man. My long blond locks flowing dramatically in the breeze; my chiseled, muscular body heaving with emotion. 7 rifle and 3 shotgun shells (for good measure) later , it was all over.

UPDATE: Tonight, it happened again. You would have thought, after last night, I’d have replaced the batteries. You would be wrong. But this time I figured it out faster. Also, I’ve just saved the world (read: beaten the game). You’re all welcome.

Except you Duracell.

Jerks.

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