A Copywriter’s Blog

Ninja-like copy at the top of the page here.

Some things are just too damn awesome to be fictional. So I knew, the second I beheld what might be the greatest shirt in the universe, that there had to be an actual unliving, non-breathing ninja who inspired the design.

ZombieNinjaPirate cannot speak of course, because zombie’s don’t talk much. But since he’s a ninja, and they never talk anyway, he long-ago mastered sign language.

ZNP by Chris  Wahl
So- now you’re a zombie ninja pirate. What came first?
[Ninja, of course. Your average zombie doesn’t have the coordination to become a ninja. And pirates are way too noisy as a rule. All that “Yaargh” and “Aye” and “Where’s the rum gone?”]

Ok, so you were a ninja. How did you become a zombie?
[I died. This was a couple hundred years ago, and they had just invented gun powder. I thought this guy was waving a chair leg at me and then “boom”. Dead Ninja. I was pretty disappointed, I can tell you. But thanks to the unspeakable Ninja arts and my voodoo priest cousin Fred, I got a second chance.]

Voodoo priest cousin? Japanese voodoo?
[Naw the real stuff. Fred’s really more of a second cousin, I guess. But he’s a solid guy that Fred. He’d have to be to find my corpse and reanimate me.]

Ok. So you’re a ZombieNinja. Why become a Pirate?
[It just happened after the zombie thing. It was sort of natural. See, I was on an assassin mission when, right in the middle of this sweet swordfight with the ghost of a long-dead samurai, my left hand fell off.]

Damn. Really?
[Yeah. Just decomposed, dropped right off. So I figured I’d put a hook there. Good for climbing, good for killing. It just made sense.]

I see. And the eyepatch?
[Well, I don’t actually see out of my eyes anyway, but I figured it went with the hook.]

So how well can you actually fight as a myopic, decomposing, one-handed master of stealth?
[I'm a zombieninjapirate. I can either rip off my own leg and beat you to death with it, or I can rip off your leg and beat you to death with it. Your choice.]

Point taken.

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